Our Relationship Didn’t Work, But I’ll Handle It

Our relationship didn’t work, but it didn’t stop me from continuing my life. Although it didn’t go that easy. At the time I collapsed, I thought I was falling into a bottomless abyss. But it was only because of my own beliefs. From the beliefs that cried out to me “you are overnight!”, “No one will ever love you again!”

I couldn’t handle these words because they took over my mind and couldn’t get rid of them. After meditating for a long time, going through psychotherapy, and seeing myself as a whole person again, I finally managed to let go of you. Even though the relationship breaks down, life goes on, and it made no exception for me either.

Our relationship didn’t work, but it didn’t stop me from living

Our relationship didn’t work, and at first I felt like I was being forced into a dark, pain-paralyzed room. I struggled hard to get over every stage. I never stopped denying that reality that hit my face every day and urged me to accept it all at once.

One day, in pain, I let the anger take over from me and blame you for everything. I was full down in my throat. It was all your fault! Or so I thought. I spent an unnecessarily long time in this second phase.

Then grief overwhelmed me as the other options began to run out. I opposed it and decided to do something about it. I tried to manipulate you, I claimed I could change, I said our relationship couldn’t end like this, our relationship didn’t work but it could have worked.

It was a desperate attempt to keep you by my side, for without you I was insecure and unable to go on with life. I stopped doing things I liked. I no longer enjoyed them as before.

Now it’s time for that, and now I’m glad you left and didn’t give up on my manipulation. For now I had no choice but to face the facts and accept reality. That approval was what made me manage to leave that dark room where I stuck in my own will for so long.

Eventually the time came that I got bored of everything, or maybe I just had no choice. It was time to either stay in front of the door or open it permanently. I opened it… That’s when I realized that even though our relationship wasn’t working, my life wasn’t deadlocked.

What has become of our relationship?

Ownership, addiction, you, my… The word “love” takes on the wrong meaning in many relationships.

We still think we own another person in a relationship. That he is ours and belongs to us. From this comes jealousy, we rob another of his freedom and use modern technology to better manage the situation. When were you online? When did you go offline? Why did you add that person to your friends list? Are you going to chat with him? Where from?

Compulsive thoughts drive us crazy and don’t give us a rest from those imaginations of what could have been or what could have come from something. It should not be forgotten that self-fulfilling prophecies are a scourge for many people.

Consider relationships with our own parents, siblings, and friends. What do they have in common? We don’t order or restrain another, we are happy if they choose to follow their own happiness. In relationships, we don’t do that. And this is due to fear.

We are afraid of being left alone, of being rejected, of finding no one else, of missing an opportunity, etc. These are fears based on our own beliefs that ruin our relationship instead of treating them wisely. We know what happens when we cling to something for fear. In the end, we lose it. The same goes for relationships.